3 Steps to Conquering Imposter Syndrome
Eleanor Roosevelt said,
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
As far as the internal work of conquering imposter phenomena, Eleanor offers us a key insight.* We cannot be made to feel inferior if some part of us did not agree with the judgement, thought, feeling that we’re experiencing. If we didn’t agree in some way, the thought or feeling would not bother us, would not find a home in us.
So how do we do the internal work of no longer collaborating with imposter syndrome? First, we learn where that inner agreement comes from and then we choose to take action, despite our feelings of doubt and insecurity.
The Link Between Imposter Syndrome and Emotional Fear
To understand the internal workings of imposter syndrome, it’s first helpful to learn more about about how emotional fear operates in us. At its root, imposter syndrome is the result of emotional fear.
We tend to be familiar with how physical fear works in us but are less aware of how emotional fear operates. Physical fear puts us into flight, fight, or freeze in order to keep us physically safe, to keep us alive. What does this mean? Our brains are wired to stop us when we are doing something new, scary, unknown, or risky. For example, if you were thinking of sky diving for the first time, your brain might flood you with a sense of paralysis, making you unable to board the plane or to jump when you are up in the air.
Similar to physical fear, emotional fear is wired in our brains and bodies to keep us safe. However, in this case, it’s wired to keep us emotionally safe, which means keeping us from feeling like we’re not enough. This sense of feeling like we’re not enough can be different for each of us. For some it’s the fear that we’re inadequate, worthless, selfish, or incompetent. For others, it is the fear that we’re a fraud, a disappointment, or a failure.
When it comes to taking actions that are emotionally risky, such as going for a promotion at work, launching something in your business, or risking conflict by standing up for yourself, emotional fear will also try to shut you down with fight, flight, or freeze. The difference is that emotional fear’s technique is to flood you with some or all of the following: shame, doubt, paralysis, defeat, paranoia, overwhelm, exhaustion, dread, pessimism.
I don’t know about you, but these emotions are not on the list of a few of my favorite things. If this is eons of evolution, my brain has done well. I cannot think of anything more effective to stop me from taking a risk than making me feel like crap about myself.
With regards to imposter syndrome, these emotions can prompt the following habits in your work life:
Striving to do everything at work perfectly, all the time.
Feeling like you haven’t earned your position, so you constantly overwork to prove your worth.
Expecting yourself to naturally know how to do everything at work, get it right the first time.
Pushing yourself to constantly get more training, not from the joy of learning, but because you feel you need to keep up.
Step 1: Don’t Take Imposter Syndrome Personally
Understanding how fear works gives us the first step in conquering imposter syndrome. The first step is to normalize the feelings - doubt, overwhelm, paralysis, defeat, etc. - that accompany imposter syndrome and choose to not identify with them.
Even though they might feel true, they are not true. These emotions are NOT the result of personal flaws or inadequacies. They are the result of having a brain wired to stop us when we are doing something emotionally risky. Easier said than done, I know, and absolutely possible with practice.
Answer this question for yourself, how would your life be different if instead of believing the self-doubt and shame that these emotions bring, you saw them for what they were - your brain trying to keep you emotionally safe. What would be possible for you if you no longer believed those feelings were true?
This is what Eleanor Roosevelt is saying in her quote at the top of this blog. If we refuse to cooperate with the symptoms of emotional fear when we experience them, we refuse to believe emotional fear. We refuse to consent to feeling inferior.
Step 2: Take Any Step
Choose one area where imposter syndrome is keeping you stuck, whether it’s overworking, perfectionizing, negative self talk, etc., and then choose to take a step to change that habit. Insights are helpful but actions are what change our patterns and build internal confidence.
I call this pressing the ‘any’ key. Take any step, no matter how small. Choose to not stay late one day at work. Practice embracing your humanity, rather than striving to be perfect for a day, an hour. Be willing to accepts mistakes as part of the growth process rather than beating yourself up and taking them as a sign of your inferiority.
If the risk is too big or scary, break it down into smaller steps. We tend to think of change as either done or not done. When in actuality, we can break change down into as many bite-sized, doable actions as we need to. For example, thinking about no longer overworking, asking a friend or colleague to support you when you are mired in self-doubt, not believing the emotions that emotional fear fills you with when you are taking a risk – all tiny steps on the path to genuine confidence.
Step 3: Acknowledge Yourself for Every Step You Take
Give yourself credit for every step you take by acknowledging what you did. To keep us from taking risks, emotional fear continually brings up what we haven’t done and how we’re not going to be able to change. It encourages all or nothing thinking, which means it’s saying that if we haven’t done everything, then we’ve done nothing. When we acknowedge every step, we are building counter evidence to fear’s argument, which makes it easier to take the next step.
This might seem like a fluffy add-on. It is not. Acknowledging ourselves for every time we take a steps keeps our focus on what we are doing, how we are taking steps forward, rather than focusing on what we haven’t done. Which focus is going to take you further? Focusing on the steps you are taking to challenge any internal agreement with imposter syndrome or focusing on what you haven’t done?
And, throughout all of this, be kind to yourself and enlist support. Facing these inner fears is not easy work and company makes the process lighter.
*This blog is not addressing essential work of changing things on a systemic level, such as creating environments that don’t reinforce imposter syndrome. This blog is focused on the inner work of dealing with imposter phenomena.
