How to Break Through Your Cycles of Self Sabotage
“Ok Campers, rise and shine!
It’s Groundhog Day!”
Do you ever feel like you're stuck in your own infernal cycle of Groundhog Day? That no matter what you try, you can’t make the change to get the life you desire?
If so, you might be struggling with Groundhog Day Syndrome… yup, it’s a thing… that I just made up…😉
10 Signs You Struggle with Groundhog Day Syndrome:
Procrastination: Putting off important tasks or delaying actions that could lead to personal or professional growth.
Negative Self-Talk: Engaging in persistent self-criticism or adopting a pessimistic outlook on one's abilities and prospects.
Fear of Success: Feeling anxious or uneasy about achieving goals and reaching one's full potential, often due to underlying fears of change or responsibility.
Over-giving and/or People Pleasing: Prioritizing others’ needs to one’s detriment, having difficulty saying no, and/or saying yes to avoid disappointing others.
Avoiding Opportunities: Intentionally avoiding opportunities for advancement or personal development due to a lack of confidence or fear of failure.
Self-Isolation: Withdrawing from social interactions or avoiding support networks that could provide encouragement and guidance.
Engaging in Destructive Behaviors: Resorting to harmful habits such as substance abuse, overeating, or overspending as a means of coping with stress or avoiding challenges.
Perfectionism: Striving for perfection to the extent that it becomes paralyzing, leading to a fear of making mistakes and reluctance to take action.
Undermining Relationships: Sabotaging interpersonal relationships or sabotaging opportunities for collaboration and cooperation due to underlying insecurities or fears of rejection.
Sabotaging Opportunities: Subconsciously undermining opportunities for success or advancement by sabotaging relationships, missing deadlines, or neglecting responsibilities.
Anything feel frustratingly familiar?
The difference between ourselves and Bill Murray’s Character in “Groundhog Day” is that we are not trapped by some weird time warp/relapse… we are trapped in old patterns and limiting beliefs. And underneath those patterns and beliefs are subconscious, emotional fears that are running the show.
When we are in this space, we tend to sabotage the very thing we are deeply hoping to change in our lives. Until we learn more about our emotional fear tripwires, we will find ourselves stuck in the same cycles day after day - yep, just like Bill Murray.
A Client Stuck in Groundhog Day
One of my clients, Anna* was stuck in her own version of Groundhog Day Syndrome. She was married with children, worked full-time, and helped with the care of her aging parents. When we started coaching, Anna excelled at her job, was an amazing wife, mother, and daughter. She was very good at taking care of everyone else in her life; she knew instinctively what they needed.
But when it came to taking care of herself or asking for help, she struggled to know how to move forward. As a result, Anna continued to give and give on autopilot until she was burnt out and frustrated.
She knew intellectually that she was at her limits and needed self-care, that she wanted to change her patterns of not asking for help. But on an emotional level, she didn’t know how to take these steps. They were way out of her comfort zone, and every time she tried, it felt selfish – and selfish, to her, felt wrong.
Underneath her habits, patterns and beliefs, Anna had an emotional fear that unconsciously whispered to her that if she put herself first, she was selfish. And, if she was selfish, she wouldn't be valued or loved. This led her to sabotage any efforts she made to ask for help and to criticize herself for being selfish or weak.
Today, I am happy to report that Anna has completely transformed her life by learning what her emotional fear trip wires are and how to compassionately and bravely take risks to change her patterns. She consistently asks for help personally and professionally and as a result, is thriving.
What’s the moral of the story here?
When we are stuck in our lives, we tend to spend a lot of time trying to fix the symptoms of the problem, rather than the actual problem itself. Unless we learn more about our particular emotional fear tripwires, we will remain stuck.
Why does this happen?
Because the default fear wiring in our brains convinces us that fixing the symptom (i.e., procrastination, perfectionism, undermining relationships and/or success, etc.) will fix the issue. Pursuing this path lets fear define the framework and will keep us running in cranky, dissatisfied circles for a very long time.
Unless we learn more about our particular emotional fear tripwires, we will remain stuck.
So, what can you do about your cycles of self-sabotage to bust out of Groundhog Day Syndrome?
The first step is to pause and be aware of what you’re feeling and thinking when you catch yourself self-sabotaging. And then give yourself COMPASSION. It sounds too simple to work, but trust me it’s not.
For the next few weeks, PRACTICE GIVING YOURSELF COMPASSION when you realize that you are stuck in self-sabotage mode. Treating ourselves with kindness, having empathy for ourselves, breaks through fear and doubt and allows us to see ourselves and the situation more clearly.
Then be honest with yourself and make the choices you want to make going forward. Honesty without compassion can be harsh and it tends to be judgmental and blaming which drains us of energy. Compassion disarms fear and gives us energy.
Practice This to Begin Breaking the Cycle…
Rhonda Britten, my Coaching Mentor and Trainer, offers this simple and very powerful practice.
When you are trying to change a habit or work on personal development, try this order:
1. Give yourself COMPASSION for what you are working on and how hard you are trying
2. Be HONEST with yourself about how you are doing with your goal
3. Take PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY for the choices & changes you want to make going forward
We only know if a practice can help us by trying it. I invite you to look at your goals for this year and reflect on your progress so far with these three steps. After steps 1 & 2, CHOOSE ONE THING to take responsibility for, one thing to try to work on.
Step 3 will likely involve stepping out of your comfort zone, so I recommend you get support. Talk to a friend, journal, and/or reach out to a coach. It is very difficult to change and shift our fear wiring without support. And conversely, it is AMAZING what can happen when we get the support we need.
And just like that, say bye-bye to
Groundhog Day Syndrome!
*Name changed to protect privacy.
